fallen captive

I haven't forgotten you blogger.

I have been so busy in my life..but haven't forgotten my quest.

Have I fallen from grace. oh yes I have...

but I'm also wanting to increase my activity! I really wish I had the money for a bike right now.

Oh that I had access to one..

I really want to start changing the shape of my body physically.

Hungry like the Wolf? Eat a pig...

*laughs* I woke up ravenous this morning....so I had an omlet of egg whites and alittle ham and cheese.

Dats it kids...and oh yes...my new love of Cafe Americano which translates too: coffee espresso and water...but for me?

Minus the water so essentially three shots of espresso. With half and half.

Gods I'm in heaven.

Spreading goodness over the land...or fat-free margarine..

Its funny how the want for good health spreads through people's minds...mostly at the same time.

Maybe its the time of year...fall is looming very soon...my favorite time of year.

Its funny but everyone I know is of the belief system that spring into summer is the time they want to lose weight...because of the shedding of the clothing I guess.

I'm not a clothing shedder (I know if you ask a couple of bartenders that..they would disagree))

For me..fall is not a season getting for death of winter...it makes me feel quite alive and refreshed. I bike more, walk more, eat better, and just want to live outside in the natural world more.

But Im trying not to live for a season..or for a fad...

I'm never going to be thin...I dont want to be..I'm okay with having curves...

I just want to have energy, and be able to ride for long miles, hike up cliffs if I want to, and just revel in my age.

Breakfast fuel:

Dannon Light Yogurt
Strawberries

Boca anyone?

Somehow my times are wrong on this blogger.
It's now 1:40

What did our heroine consume for afternoon energy?

1 Garden burger
1 tsp chipotle mayo
lettuce
tomato
and 2 slices of cheese...

Essentially: A burger without the bun

Also some apple slices and two Tbs. of all natural peanutbutter.

I am now having a double shot of espresso..and BOY am I awake!


Zoom!

Damn the office minions!

I went upstairs to fill my trusty gatorade bottle with water and someone had laid out an assorted tray of pastries!! I was almost thwarted because I can tell its becoming lunch time. I was almost seduced by an almond tart with chocolate...

But with my intensive training from long hours of repeatedly watching Tomb Raider and studying Angelina Jolie's every move...(yes this is why I watch it..purely for research) I was able to attach two cables to the ceiling...run them back down, lock them to my belt loops and hoist myself over the infected area (ie..the conference table), swing down to the water cooler, pour the water quickly into the bottle and hoist myself back up to run along the top paper and file shelves...almost slipped on a broken printer but I saved myself...

to swing back down to the doorway and escape without mishap!

PHEW what a morning!

The yellow brick road was made of cheese..lots of fuckin protein

So this is it!
The beginning of the road as they say.

The FOOL about to make the journey in to the first tarot card. Somewhere along the way in the last few days...I've gotten really serious about continuing (or to be more specific) re-jump-starting my diet.

To be perfectly honest...I feel like the past two years have made me a stereotype that I want to break away from.

When you have gastric bypass you hear all about those people who lose the weight only to have their lives fall apart.

*waves hand* hi...I'm Denise! Look up this name in the dictionary...

Denise: Deh-nees (n) 1. Gastric bypass stereotype: meaning: 200 lbs lost to be replaced with
a. excessive use of alcohol and alcohol related
paraphernalia: ie. Stoli beads, Absolute baby t-shirts to be
used as cleaning rags, blinky buttons from Jaeger.
b. heavy doses of guilt
c. inability to hold lasting personal relationships
d. love of all things self destructive and harmful
e. self-sabotage
f. lack of memory where the statement: portion control

now this may seem harsh to some..but if I didn't feel that I was in a better place then I have been in a long time, I wouldn't be able to write it. I am not feeling sorry for myself, blaming the world, or thinking my life is over.

On the contrary: I'm giving myself room to breathe, move past the people I've lost, the mistakes I've made, and just concentrate on learning from these past two years.

This blog is specifically for the documentation of my road to reclaiming the health I had glimpsed briefly after surgery...but in a more gradual and safer process. I dont really expect many to read this...so I plan on being as honest as I can be with myself here. If there is something private...well shit...I'll block it.


So lets begin.

Day 1. The trip to Munchkin land

Breakfast: 1/2 cup. cottage cheese
3 slices of turkey bacon
3 tbs. blue berries
2 strawberries

I put the muffin back...*cries*

but here's the thing, I'm limiting my carbs and trying whole foods for a bit...high protein etc. (which is mandatory for gastric bypass patients)

I am more awake this morning...from the fruit and natural carbs in the fruit. I feel great this morning!!!

Okay more after lunch.